Hidden beneath the pure shock and awe of Facebook’s record-setting IPO are some fantastic storylines…stuff Hollywood couldn’t even imagine. Sure Mark Zuckerberg is now the 24th wealthiest individual in the world and yes, by raising $16-18 billion dollars in Facebook’s $100 billion IPO this ranks among the highest offerings in U.S. History, alongside GM and Visa.
But the real narrative is the story behind the story, known intimately only by a select few. Many of us are familiar with the juicy relationship storylines between former Facebook CFO Eduardo Saverin, Zuckerberg, and Sean Parker from the depiction in “The Social Network” movie. It’s what made the movie compelling. Well, are you ready for the sequel?
Watching Conan O’Brien’s appearance on The David Letterman show the night before the Facebook IPO, we were fascinated by the “inside” jokes shared between the two Jay Leno rivals. The adverserial relationship and disdain for Leno was DEEP! So we found ourselves wondering, what did Sergey Brin and Larry Page think of this entire Facebook IPO craze? What about other Internet titans of tech CEOs like Microsoft’s Steve Ballmer, Amazon’s Jeff Bezos, and Apple’s Tim Cook.
So…our ymarketing reporters tracked down these men for an in-depth interview. Read on to hear what they told our intrepid reporters:
Steve Ballmer, CEO Microsoft:
YM: Microsoft’s $240 million investment in Facebook in Oct ’07 is now worth as much as $1.4 billion; can you comment that incredibly profitable investment?
YM: Okayyy. At the time you made that investment more than four years ago, Facebook’s worldwide users were 50 million and U.S Visitors 30.6 million/month; but today those numbers have ballooned to 900 million users and 159 million visitors. What do you think that growth means to competitors like Google?
Larry Page & Sergey Brin, Google Founders:
YM: Back in 2007 when Microsoft invested $240 million in Facebook for a 1.6% stake many thought it was an over-valued gamble. But it’s widely known that Facebook chose to take Microsoft’s money over Google’s. Looking back, how disappointed are you that Google didn’t win that investment bid in FB?
LP: “Are you asking me if we’d like to have another $1+ billion? Heck yeah! But we’ve made 61 acquisitions or investments since that time and we are sure one of them is bound to do better than Facebook. We think Like.com ($100 mil deal) and Slide.com ($228 mil deal) should be household names any day now.
YM: Like.com, oh we get it now. This sets the stage perfectly for a fun lawsuit between the two companies. At any rate, Sergey, when you realized that with this IPO Mark Zuckerberg’s $19+ billion net worth made him the 24th wealthiest person in the world–displacing yourself and Larry–what was your reaction?
SB: “So what, it’s just a few hundred million. When Google+ passes Facebook we’ll see who has the last laugh.”
Jeff Bezos, CEO Amazon:
YM: A great deal has been made about Mark Zuckerberg’s $19+ billion net worth and how it made him the 24th wealthiest person in the world, displacing Sergey Brin and Larry Page from Google. But Zuckerberg also passed you on that list, didn’t he? Did he not, sir?
JB: “Well what did Sergey and Larry say to you about it?”
YM: They weren’t happy. We could tell by their expressions. But they did say Google+, Like.com and/or Slide.com would take off any day now.
JB: “What? They own Like.com? LOL! That’s gotta be a fun lawsuit between them.”
YM: Yeah, right! That’s what we said. But Mr. Bezos, can we call you Jeff? Jeff, back to the question: How does it feel to be looking up to Zuckerberg on that Billionaires Mount Olympus?
JB: “Let’s play a word association game. What do you think of when I say, ‘cloud’?”
YM: Ok, we see where you are going Jeff. Amazon’s investment in the cloud is like investing in digital real estate. You now own the best waterfront server-space property in the world. Someday, all these companies are going to have to pay you to do business. Right?
JB: “Well yeah, but no. When I say ‘cloud’ I think of the sky, of the infinite unknown, of my BlueOrigin space exploration project. You see, what we’re doing is … “
YM: Uh, sorry Jeff, gotta run…bye.
Tim Cook, CEO Apple:
YM: What does the Facebook IPO mean to Apple and its business?
TC: “We think it’s great. The more people that use Facebook, the more they’ll want our iPhones and iPads. Our stock should rise with theirs.”
YM: Looking into the future, are you worried about Facebook’s power?
TC: “Facebook, MySpace, Pinterest, Digg…these properties will come and go but all of them need a user platform. We believe ours is second to none. The future? We all know it’s in mobile smart phones. And it’s not like Facebook has a fPhone!”
YM: Actually, the prevailing opinion is that Facebook will launch a mobile phone this year with HTC. Perhaps, this IPO was actually designed mostly to fund that launch?
TC: “WTF!? They’ve gotta a phone now! What’s next, Facebook-Skype chats that are far better than our Face Time? [YM reporter raises eyebrow, pausing] Wait a minute…dang! Well, we still have Siri, right? [YM reporter takes long pause] Oh no, you don’t think Microsoft is going to help them with voice command technology do you? Ah, come on!”
YM: So you know we’ve been talking to the other Internet tech titan CEOs about Mark Zuckerberg’s $19+ billion net worth and how it made him the 24th wealthiest person in the world, above them. How did it feel for you?
TC: “How much are all those guys worth? Did you say nearly $20 billion? Are you kidding me? Our stock is up nearly $200 since I took over and these billionaire’s companies have a fraction of our revenue. This interview is over.” [Picking up phone, TC: "Margie, get my agent on the phone, now!]
This blog quite obviously uses the names of public figures for purposes of satire. The content of this post should in no way be construed as factual. It is a work of fiction.